IN ORDER TO REALLY LIVE, there are some things we need to let go.
This Easter weekend, I’ve been thinking about what it means to die to self and what things in my life need to die. With Easter Morning on the horizon, I’ve also been thinking about the results of such a death. I have an excellent example of this because I’ve been watching my husband dying to self in a very tangible way.
He can no longer take long walks like he loves doing. He cannot hunt and doesn’t even feel safe going into the woods, one of his favorite things to do. He has lost his autonomy and cannot drive. His body betrays him in countless ways every day. He needs assistance with the simple task of putting on a shirt. He cannot say the word he is thinking, which causes him enormous frustration. Sometimes he is bewildered.
BUT God . . .
At the same time, I see how God is using my husband in new and glorious ways.
On one recent night, when we were already in bed, and I was sharing some Instagram reels on my phone, Cat suddenly pointed at the reel. “Y-you!” he said.
I looked at the reel that was showing a beautiful vacation destination. “You want to go there?” I asked.
He shook his head vehemently and kept pointing at the reel. “Y-you!”
“You want me to go?”
His hands tightened into fists as he tried to speak what he wanted so badly to share with me. He crawled out of bed and headed to my art studio as I followed. He pointed at my lions and then back at the phone. “Y-you . . . D-do . . . that!”
“Oh! What a great idea. You mean I should make videos of my lions and their stories accompanied by music?”
“Yes!” His whole body relaxed.
I was so glad he worked so hard to give me that information. I wouldn’t have thought of the idea myself, but it’s a great idea and straight from the heart of God. Such videos can touch many lives with the love of God.
Then, a couple of nights later, we visited our granddaughter Rachel, her husband Nick, and her mother Jocelyn for our weekly Bible Study. Not quite two-year-old Charlie (named after Cat) was already tired when we arrived, which meant we would probably get very little studying accomplished.
All of us, except for Charlie and Cat, were thoroughly engrossed in the Bible Study, but Charlie discovered that her Great Grandpa had time for her. She threw a small toy at him.
He leaned over and flipped the toy back at her, looking straight into her eyes.
She laughed and threw it back. Neither one of them tired of this game for nearly 45 minutes. Charlie’s laughter filled the room while we finished our Bible Study. She loves her Papa and knows he loves her, even though it is tough for him to say so. He SEES her.
Angel, the caregiver who comes here twice weekly to help me, loves being with Cat. She sees him as a kind, gentle man with lots of stories to tell if someone listens very patiently. Angel is always looking for some sort of sweet treat to bring him. In turn, Cat has had me share God with her, and she has been steadily growing in her faith and bringing her entire family to faith with her.
This is what dying to self looks like!
We often look for the glorious, powerful moving of the Holy Spirit in the big movements of God while we search for significance. But what if He is calling you to do something small? Will you despise the day of small things? (See Zechariah 4:10 KJV)
Consider that nothing is small if God is in it. Years ago, God took me 10,000 miles away to reach out to one man out of a billion people in China.
The biggest thing God has shown me this day is that I need to die to my goals and come alive to His!
